"Here I am
At Your feet
In my brokeness complete"
This is a song by Starfield, which really speaks to me. As I worship I like to think about how God has created us and given us so many blessings, yet at the same time, he has taken so many things away from us. When we are called to worship we are called to notice, exalt, and praise God for who He is. As I sang this song durring worship and later on my ride to school, I could only think about how I am here, yet broken, I have been through hard times, and times where I would rather turn away from God and fix on my own than to allow God to fix them, I guess if Pastor Cooper were to tell my story he would say that I am not viewing God as my Great Physician.
As I look at God in my life and worship him for the things he has given me and where he has placed me in life, I can only see myself as broken in his sight. I am a complete mess I am not where I want to be, and the good news is, I have to wait for God to place me where I want to be. In the song Unchanging Starfield sings to God and says, "Here I am, all of me, in my brokeness complete." To think that as I, all of my soul, worships God I am bringing baggage with me and my life seems to be broken as I try my hardest to worship who He is, I can stand completely broken in Him, yet, at the same time, I can be in complete worship of his name, I can praise him for putting me in situations where I am forced to grow, and I can praise him for never leaving even though times seem hard.
As for myself and my brokeness, I am struggling as I fight what seems to be a futile struggle, I am torn between who it is that I am truly fighting. Epehsians 6:12 says, "For we do not wrestle against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, and the cosmis powers over this present darkness, against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly places." I wish that I could say that I am in a fight with work, that I am in a fight with the schools that confuse me, and so on, but the truth is, God is in the middle of any of my situations, I remain 100% positive of that, and that as I struggle to find truth and understanding I am fighting against the rulers of this world who want me to believe that I am nothing and that I cannot be anything, it is an intense battle against the world. Romans 12:2 tells me to "be transformed," and as I strive to transformation I will continually struggle against the rules over this present darknes.
AMH
Monday, November 24, 2008
Tuesday, October 21, 2008
John
So this afternoon, I decided to start reading the book of John.
As I read I started to wonder what all the meanings behind the text were and I started asking these questions,
"Is John's narrative an example of how Christians are supposed to live?
If so, how do we interpret the text, from the way John acts while Jesus is on Earth to the way that we are supposed to act now that Jesus is in Heaven?"
John 1:31 says, "I myself did not know him, but the reason I came baptizing with water was that he might be revealed to Israel." As I ask these questions, I realize that this is a way that we are supposed to live our lives. John was a baptizer, hence the name John the Baptist, I assume that baptizing was his job, or at least a hobby, or something God told him to do, but nonetheless, it was something John did. I begin to think about the things in my life that I do, such as, church, workish, school, friends, and I replace a few things in this verse to check if I am living up to the narrative. "I myself did not know him (true), but the reason I [am a student at Maize High, and WSU] is that he might be revealed." Does this entire verse sound true in my life? Probably not. So how do I make it true? That is what I will do for the next 10 years or so as I go through schooling, I guess, wish me luck.
This verse always provides a way for us to baptize. Thought I don't baptize anyone, I might someday, I like this verse, because a lot of times the baptism is seen as the individual pronouncing his/her faith, but rather John baptized people to reveal Jesus. I am not criticizing the way we baptize now, but I am looking at it differently, when someone gets baptized, he is revealing God to the world, maybe even making a pact with the rest of the Church, that the individual will continue to reveal Jesus. Did I make that pact with the Church? If so I have broken it. Today I am a student whose purpose is to reveal Jesus. That is my pact.
God use me and the rest of the next few amazing months to impact the world, or at least the community, Lord provide a strong vision in the Christian community to learn to reveal your name to the world. Watch my steps and my struggles and mark the path for me to learn.
AMH
As I read I started to wonder what all the meanings behind the text were and I started asking these questions,
"Is John's narrative an example of how Christians are supposed to live?
If so, how do we interpret the text, from the way John acts while Jesus is on Earth to the way that we are supposed to act now that Jesus is in Heaven?"
John 1:31 says, "I myself did not know him, but the reason I came baptizing with water was that he might be revealed to Israel." As I ask these questions, I realize that this is a way that we are supposed to live our lives. John was a baptizer, hence the name John the Baptist, I assume that baptizing was his job, or at least a hobby, or something God told him to do, but nonetheless, it was something John did. I begin to think about the things in my life that I do, such as, church, workish, school, friends, and I replace a few things in this verse to check if I am living up to the narrative. "I myself did not know him (true), but the reason I [am a student at Maize High, and WSU] is that he might be revealed." Does this entire verse sound true in my life? Probably not. So how do I make it true? That is what I will do for the next 10 years or so as I go through schooling, I guess, wish me luck.
This verse always provides a way for us to baptize. Thought I don't baptize anyone, I might someday, I like this verse, because a lot of times the baptism is seen as the individual pronouncing his/her faith, but rather John baptized people to reveal Jesus. I am not criticizing the way we baptize now, but I am looking at it differently, when someone gets baptized, he is revealing God to the world, maybe even making a pact with the rest of the Church, that the individual will continue to reveal Jesus. Did I make that pact with the Church? If so I have broken it. Today I am a student whose purpose is to reveal Jesus. That is my pact.
God use me and the rest of the next few amazing months to impact the world, or at least the community, Lord provide a strong vision in the Christian community to learn to reveal your name to the world. Watch my steps and my struggles and mark the path for me to learn.
AMH
Monday, October 20, 2008
Northwestern
I took a trip up to Norwestern College this weekend, and I am officially scared out of my mind. The college is 10 hours away, it provides great job placement, has an excellent psycology program, and is worse than cold.
I don't know how I feel about 10 hours away from all my friends, and family, I know that most of my friends are going to be going to other colleges outside of wichita, but i still feel like if I wanted I could visit them if I was bored. If I were to attend Northwestern I couldn't do any of that, I would only come home every so often, I don't even know if I would come home every summer because its so far away.
I am afraid because of the excellence of this college, I know that I want to go into ministry, and I have alway wanted to get my doctrite in pscology. I am a bit afraid that if I go to Northwestern I might loose sight of God, and dive too far into psycology and leave ministry behind.
I hate cold, more than anything.
I know that I need to get out of my comfort zone in order to rely on God alone. Maybe that means I need to take every single bit of fear that I have for this college and give them to God. God will protect me, that I have no doubt, but will I be able to let him be in my life.
I also wonder what my calling is, am I a pastor or a psycologist? God only you can decide...
I don't know how I feel about 10 hours away from all my friends, and family, I know that most of my friends are going to be going to other colleges outside of wichita, but i still feel like if I wanted I could visit them if I was bored. If I were to attend Northwestern I couldn't do any of that, I would only come home every so often, I don't even know if I would come home every summer because its so far away.
I am afraid because of the excellence of this college, I know that I want to go into ministry, and I have alway wanted to get my doctrite in pscology. I am a bit afraid that if I go to Northwestern I might loose sight of God, and dive too far into psycology and leave ministry behind.
I hate cold, more than anything.
I know that I need to get out of my comfort zone in order to rely on God alone. Maybe that means I need to take every single bit of fear that I have for this college and give them to God. God will protect me, that I have no doubt, but will I be able to let him be in my life.
I also wonder what my calling is, am I a pastor or a psycologist? God only you can decide...
Wednesday, September 24, 2008
Sunday, September 21, 2008
Waves
I wrote this poem listening about baptism and teaching a small group. I like it, and I usually hate my art.
The waves have cleansed me
And the salt has stained my being
I am lost in a world of hate
Yet I am assimilating in the world I have turned away from (foresaken).
But anyways its about being a noticible Christian in the world, however, focussing on the world you are told to turn away from.
The waves have cleansed me
And the salt has stained my being
I am lost in a world of hate
Yet I am assimilating in the world I have turned away from (foresaken).
But anyways its about being a noticible Christian in the world, however, focussing on the world you are told to turn away from.
Thursday, September 18, 2008
College
I cannot wait until I finally graduate, and leave high school. I am constantly bound by the over controlling school that doesn't allow its students to have some of the basic freedoms. I guess I'm just tired of being controlled. In my college courses I am able to choose what I do, if I come in late its my own fault, and suprisingly enough the world goes on. If I am late to a class in high school, sometimes even less than a minute late, the entire class stops, and the teacher probes why we are late, and if we are lucky we get a detention. If there is a consequence for being late, I have never had a professor actually stop the class and probe the tardiness of an students. It actually makes me feel like I am responsible for my own tardiness, I will live with the consequences, and no one else cares. Maybe its just that way in a big university, I hope that Northwestern isn't like that, it seems big, but I haven't really seen the campus yet.
But anyways the reason that I really hate the way that they treat you in high school is because I feel like I am ready to start doing things on my own, I can take care of a speeding ticket by myself, I can pay for gas by myself, I can get a job by myself, I can do many things with out my parents help, but it seems that I need them for almost everything in High School, your word isn't good enough on any documents, students need their parents. Many seniors are 18 years old, and legaly should be responsible for themselves, but I think because of the way we are brought up, as if we need an adult to do things for us, we don't want to look at 18 as a mile marker. For most students at Maize High nothing changes on their 18th birthday, their parents will still pay for their car insurrance, the school, their gas, their allowance, and responsibility is not encouraged. Chris Rollamn wrote a blog on the stages of adolescnece about a month ago, and discussed that students go through a stage of post-adolescence due to many factors. I agree with this 100%; however, I don't believe that this is something to encourage. I would much prefer that students were encourage to be responsible for themselves, and that they should be expected to start doing something on their own once they turn 18, at least car insurrance, or something. Maybe if people would just learn to be responsible I wouldn't be suffering becuase I am out of the norm.
But anyways the reason that I really hate the way that they treat you in high school is because I feel like I am ready to start doing things on my own, I can take care of a speeding ticket by myself, I can pay for gas by myself, I can get a job by myself, I can do many things with out my parents help, but it seems that I need them for almost everything in High School, your word isn't good enough on any documents, students need their parents. Many seniors are 18 years old, and legaly should be responsible for themselves, but I think because of the way we are brought up, as if we need an adult to do things for us, we don't want to look at 18 as a mile marker. For most students at Maize High nothing changes on their 18th birthday, their parents will still pay for their car insurrance, the school, their gas, their allowance, and responsibility is not encouraged. Chris Rollamn wrote a blog on the stages of adolescnece about a month ago, and discussed that students go through a stage of post-adolescence due to many factors. I agree with this 100%; however, I don't believe that this is something to encourage. I would much prefer that students were encourage to be responsible for themselves, and that they should be expected to start doing something on their own once they turn 18, at least car insurrance, or something. Maybe if people would just learn to be responsible I wouldn't be suffering becuase I am out of the norm.
Friday, September 12, 2008
Floods
Today Wichita experienced some of the harshest rains I have ever seen in my lifetime. Wichitans almost don't even know how to deal, the city is in a panic. Today I saw small cars try to drive through almost three feet of water, as if they could just float, and before they were able to escape each car got taken by the tide. I find it strange that humans can just try and trek through as if nothing were happening; however, maybe this is what Christians do as well. When we see times of "sin," or if our lives are in a rut, we often try to pretend that nothing is happening, instead of embracing the truth that we are about to drive through three feet of water that we can't handle. Some are lucky enough to open their eyes to see that it is raining and their car won't survive three feet of water; others drive on through and get pulled away. If you are the latter, I can only pray that God is guiding the current, and is trying to pull you back to him, as he has done in my life so many times, but as far as these disasters we get ourselves into, 1 Peter 4:12 says "Dear friends, do not be suprised at the painful trial you are suffering, as though something strange were happening to you. But rejoice that you participate in the suffering of Christ, so that you may be overjoyed whem his glory is revealed." Are we as Christians so suprised at the floods, that we forget that He is only waiting to reveal his glory? God knows exactly what is happening right now, and he is strong enough to make glory apear, lets not be suprised, but ready, and rejoicful.
AMH
AMH
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